we are not strangers to ourselves; we only try to be. -koontz
infected minds to their deaf pillows will discharge their secret. -shakespeare
i'm feeling that groggy not-quite depressed feeling of holding depression just barely at bay. i feel desperate to be somewhere other than where i am and frustrated that i don't have the means (monetary, physical, emotional) to get there. i'm trying to focus on positivity but there is so much in my mind that i think it is being crowded out. i want to plan. i want to know where i will be tomorrow, next month, in ten years. i want something to look forward to. i'm lonely. i miss conversation that doesn't revolve around what has happened, is happening still.
depression runs in my family (on my mom's side). i am living proof that heredity is stronger than force of will. i was diagnosed with depression shortly after i finished my cancer treatment (seven years ago?) i've been on (varying doses of) anti-depressants ever since. i've also done therapy from time to time. this is different for me because my depression in the past has been chemical, not situational. i had bad ppd after parker's birth and a milder version of the same after mr. baby was born. this seems to be depression borne out of circumstance.