i know some good marriages. second marriages mostly. marriages where both people have outgrown the bullshit of me-tarzan, you-jane and are just trying to get through their days by helping each other, being good to each other, doing the chores as they come up and not worrying too much about who does what. some men reach that delightfully relaxed state of affairs about age forty or after a couple of divorces. maybe marriages are best in middle age. when all the nonsense falls away and you realize you have to love one another because you're going to die anyway.
_fear of flying_, p. 81
i don't know if i believe in marriage anymore. which is a strange thing since i almost certainly will remarry (or at least seriously re-partner) at some point. almost everyone i know has been married - and divorced. some 2 or 3 times. what is it that makes people keep trying? i feel so cynical and irritated. what is the freaking point of doing the whole floofy dress, church, VOWS thing if it is so easy to get out of? what was the point!? i'm scared that if i try again, i'll get really comfortable and relaxed and *bam!* this will happen again. i mean, there is no guarantee. this might actually happen again. i've got all this anxiety about getting on with things, finding someone to raise the kids with, finding someone to have babies with (do i want that?), finding someone to share with. but i'm quite happy alone. i mean, aside from being totally exhausted all the time. have i mentioned that i still haven't been served with papers? have i mentioned that i'm totally pissed that this is a no-fault state? i am. i feel like i deserve compensation. like he should go to shitty friend/husband/father prison and serve 11 years for the wool he pulled over my eyes for that long. have i mentioned i'm feeling long-winded? i am. i am.